Wednesday, June 9, 2010

five for the fellas

A few points of honor:

1. Never show up for a dinner date and lamely remark that you aren't hungry.

2. If you earn drastically more than your companion (and spend the better part of the evening expounding on the success of your business), even a half-hearted offer to subsidize her meal is appreciated. If she's worth her salt, she'll still pay her own way, but your lack of chivalry is deafening.

3. If you are pushing forty and have yet to be married, there's probably something wrong with you. (Thanks, Mum. Should have listened the first twelve times you said it!)

4. You may find yourself infinitely fascinating, but your narcissism can hardly be relied upon to bridge conversational gaps. Similarly, chuckling at your own anecdotes before you can choke out a punch line is . . . well, that should go without saying.

5. Gesturing like a velociraptor does nothing for your already suspect masculinity quotient.

And one for the ladies: when you go out for tapas, go with each other. You'll get much more mileage out of that gin and lavender sangría and you'll never have to hand back your dessert menu leaving the churros con chocolate unordered.


Phoenix said...


No pun intended. ;)

Scarlet-O said...

1. Wait, a MALE did this??!

2. Wait, WHAT??

3. True.

4. Ugh.

5. LOL!

Oh god!!! Who is this p-monkey? Do you want me to have someone take care of him?