Monday, September 7, 2009

with light in my head

To mixed reviews, I have concocted and embraced a new philosophy, a livable creed effective immediately, which is to let the Universe—capitalized here for effect and future reference—make my decisions for me. Which is not to say I relinquish my agency, just that, when confronted with decisions large and small, my new plan requires that I take full stock of the signs around me before leaping. (Or, in my grand tradition: before agonizing and analyzing in a cycle of chronic indecision.)

First example: my rather hasty decision to move back to Astoria. Made possible by several failed attempts to see other apartments in bigger, better boroughs, a fortuitous half-friday at the office, a canceled broker appointment, and the happenstance and serendipity required to have chanced a peek at the craigslist postings that morning (for lack of a more stimulating activity). Without any of these (seemingly coincidental) occurrences, the apartment in question would have gone the next day and I would never have seen it. But I did see it. And I fell in love with it. We cut a check within the hour and now it is ours. Impulsive? Perhaps. Although my new therapist (unwitting champion and muse for this new philosophical roll-out) prefers that I refer to it as "being capable of making an informed and rational decision in the heat of the moment." Translation: I had my finger on the beating pulse of the Universe and I followed its direction? Or maybe just: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Regrets current: 0 (although there may be doubts). Net regrets: TBD.

Second example:

My Labor Day Weekend—which would have involved a trip to Storyland with Supermom and the cutest kids in the world had not my boyfriend been swept away to Florida on a business venture cum bachelor weekend. Instead, I got to follow the Universe (and salute myself for that decision) on a spur of the moment trip to Gettysburg with my favorite partner in crime, which became a trip to Baltimore, which ended at an O's/Rangers game at Camden Yards and 36 hours full of good music, crab cakes, NCAA football and beers.

Net regrets: 0.

I may be utterly foolish. This experiment may be nothing but overdressed spontaneity. The road may be paved with chanciness and I may be backed into dangerous corners I cannot get easily out of. But it sure beats the alternative.

I am more and more convinced that the data for decision-making is always right in front of us, from who we want to be to what we want for dinner. All I have to do is pay attention, trust myself, and leap.

Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"I am more and more convinced that the data for decision-making is always right in front of us, from who we want to be to what we want for dinner."

It's true. And now is the data gathering stage of life (one of many), where you should try lots of things, find your passions and CHOOSE who you want to be. Who you want to love and what you want to do. Don't let others choose for you. Call it the Universe if you must, but the choice is yours.